Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Dream 4: the immortal turquoise sea

Early this morning i dreamt that i had gotten off a plane or train and i was leaving the station which was right in front of the sea or ocean. (This was a mute dream, no sound, all visual and physical.) I remember looking out at the sea/ocean, seeing how dark-blue almost black it appeared. From the calmness and soft sun, i would guess it was early morning, like 8am. I watched a hard-plastic wind-operated jet ski go by. Next scene, for some reason, i was in the water with my clothes on, it was warm, my eyes were not being blinded by the sun or burned by the salt water, i wasn’t getting sunburned, it was perfect. I was waste-deep, my pants clinged to my legs, when a big black inner tube rolled my way on top of a wave. It was almost like a tire, i thought it would be safe and strong with these big waves. I caught it and put it under my backside, laid over it, and clinged on with my legs and arms. The waves were big and the tube took me for a ride, it was fun. At one put it took me far/deep out and i went on top of a very large wave, and then, the tube and i were safely dropped with a plunk. The drop gave me a bit of the roller-coaster-butterflies-in-my-stomach and i thought “how fun!” The water was a beautiful turquoise now. I felt at peace, I felt weightless, my extremities swayed and melted with the warm waves. I had a strong urge to stay there forever, let myself slowly dissolve into the water-- regardless of the consequences/risks involved. Laying there, with thin consciousness, I began thinking: it would be such a nice escape, a fun warm bath with Nature, to vanish under the soft sun; abstract, ubiquitous, turquoise, warm, and mute. But at another point i thought of my parents, and thought this could be dangerous, i could die... i could disappear... and they would worry. I thought the only news my parents would have would be that i disappeared abroad. It would take them a couple weeks to find out, and they would not-- for the slightest moment-- think that i disappeared happily in the sea, they would have dark frightful visions, they would think the worst and more-common, they would think some male did something grotesquely terrible to me, their minds would go wild with blood and knives and physical force and foreign stereotypes. I began to think that i could write a message in a bottle, saying something like Dear Mom and Dad, don’t worry, I’ve disappeared with the turquoise sea, left life the same way I came into life: wrapped in a blue, comforting, soft and warm blanket. But then I thought: but the bottle could break in these strong waves, and so, they would think something terrible happened. I thought: well i could fill many bottles with the message... then the tube started edging towards the shore. My toes hit the sand and I jumped off limp-legged and walked up to the narrow cement boardwalk.


Renee said...

Dear Megan, Your dream of the sea reminds me of one of my favorite poems by Eleni Sikelianos. Don't try to figure it out, just read it and let it wash over you. Deine, Renee

Saying: One night in a cloud chamber I discovered a thing: that a thing (I used to have a crown
of light) a thing could be more
than True, and more again

than False, a thing
could carry its name

with a ticket of lights
called Possible: In a cloud chamber, particles are betrayed
by movement and water vapors

leave trails. Discovered: when matter and its antithesis come
together, a disappearing
flash of light: (our share of night to ear) (I mean what I say): In contempt

of the Law of All
Excluded Thirds: laws are not
symmetrical in the forward and the back (of time). On which side
are they stacked? and the sky also

(is what made Hart Crane
so crazy in the heart) continued to pile up
clouds without account, a mass of gasses with nothing

scribbled under them; a song in the middle

of the crystal
cavatina. We hardly had any bones then. Did
Hart Crane have bones? If so, which kind? And

how far down? It was written
in the boned hours, the Book of Weeds, a treatise on leaving

the house at dusk, when all buildings have already had time enough
to fit themselves back into shadows. As if there were only:

dusk-to-dusk, between dusk-and-dust
where no animals asserted themselves

as separate from the day, and the night
comes again, as it always

has done. The fact was that
I could not follow the map––because the Book

of Nature was written
in math’s un-
certain language, author of black
rains, why the naked
can see

between math’s limits
a baby’s bones are soft
as pudding when first let out
of the water & take

a long time
to harden, you can flatten
a newborn

’s skull by placing it
on a board, the death-hole
of the cranium takes

6 months to close

and then grow brittle

In describing the last
arc of the last
circumferance: I miss(ed) that halo.

(How long it took to understand rivers
run toward the sea)

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